I was in the woods in the dark with his friend called Bobby. We were always brave until they saw a black bear. That’s when i knew I should run. So I sprinted as fast as I can to home but my friend some how rode the bear but I did not think about it until I reached home. I waited until Bobby came back. The bear was actually Bobby’s pet because it was like a dog to him. Afterwards he rode the bear to the dark woods again. But now we know that we that Bobby has a bear.
Hi Jerrin,
I was a bit confused with last sentence, but you did really good. I’d like to have a bear as a friend because I would snuggle with it.
Well done,
From
Jamie, Year 3
Melbourne, Australia
Congratulations on your response to this week’s challenge Jerrin. I loved the idea of having a bear as a pet. You used some great vocabulary. I did find your change of pronouns, and your use of different tenses of verbs a little confusing. A good strategy is to ask a friend to read your text, and help you edit; or you can read your text aloud to hear if it makes sense or if you need to make changes. I hope I can read more of your writing.