Dear diary,
Today my parents went missing I have not seen them in 5 days and I have tracked them down and it is in a big castle and it was made out of concrete and I managed to get in side and there was a red fluffy carpet and people that has danced for ever and they all were saying help me it got louder and louder but suddenly it stoped it ravelled my dad and my mum but can not be that easy and besides they had an alien hand I’m not easy to trick plus if I took a another step I would be teleported wait what if I do step in and so I did and I was teleported strait to them. the end
Hello, what an adventure? It would be terrible for your parents to go missing. You incorporated a lot of time zones into your story. I particularly liked “…all were saying help me…” and you indicated that it got louder and louder. This created a way of seeing and hearing what was happening. You did need to use punctuation more effectively but I was still able to follow your story. Keep writing and exploring your creative ideas. Well done.
Thank you and I’ll work on the punctuation thanks.👌