The music was loud but something was louder, then I walk outside and see something passing the atmosphere and it was going to crash.I saw someone that had binoculars so I asked if I can use them.Then I look up and it was a space ship I yelled RUN!!!!!!!! And all the people ran from the party and a minute later it crashed I thought to my self was this really the only way? So I went to explore and this alien jumped out, it was chasing after me.I ran for my life but then I thought maybe if I trap it would go so I did and ran to the basement and locked the door and now the party is back on.
Golly Rocco. That was certainly a freaky interlude for you and your party goers.
Try to maintain the same tense when you’re writing won’t you. Perhaps you should have written ‘walked’ rather than ‘walk’?
I’m also thinking that instead of ‘this alien’ jumping from the ship, you could have painted an image in the readers mind of how it might have appeared ….. So I went to explore and suddenly, a tall, red, scaly skinned alien jumped out.
What do you think?
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie (Team 100WC) New Zealand