Dear Diary,
Today was my Birthday but before it was my birthday I had a quick look at my present.
13 of October my mum had a present for me witch i love seeing what my present was. That night I found my present but I had to see what was inside. So I opened it was a Bracelet with Harry Potter charms on it. 14 of October my mum went to the cupboard and saw that I had opened it!! My mum came in my room and said” Ella why did you open your present? Well I said” I need to”. 15 of October it was my birthday.
Bye Diary
Hi Ella – what an exciting birthday gift! I like your use of dialogue – please remember your punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. Instead of putting the dates, you could simply say, ‘the day before’ or ‘on my birthday.’ I’d love to see a description of the bracelet, it sounds beautiful (I’m a big Harry Potter fan, too!). Keep rocking your writing!
Ms. Garner
Team 100
Dear diary,
As I just had to see what was inside, it seemed like a good idea to open my gift two days early. Disappointingly though, when my birthday actually came, there was no surprise so I have decided that I will never do that again.
Thanks for sharing Ella,
Jackie (Team 100WC)
New Zealand